Fighting the Dragon!

Well as fast as my symptoms had turned around for the better...they have turned back around and I am as bad as I have ever been. My shortness of breath has returned with a vengeance. I cough a lot... I have pains in my chest, ribs, and abdomen, and now my back hurts too. It's hard to keep a positive attitude when you hurt and can't breathe.

I had ct scans of chest, abd, and pelvis 2/26 and I received good news and bad news. The good news is most of my tumors are responding. The bad news is the tumor in my left lung is not responding and is growing rapidly. It's now taking up 80% of my lung. My oncologist wants me to have my lung removed...but I've been turned down for surgery by two surgeons. They don't think surgery is a good option as long as I have active cancer in my remaining 2/3 of a lung. I can see their point. But at the same time... I don't want to be just wrote off either. I have no intentions of giving up. Just keep me breathing and I'll keep fighting. :-)

I must say... I'm leaning on God harder and harder. Sometimes I feel like He's trying to tell me to quit trying this and that and just let ME handle it. I believe with all of my heart that God is trying to let me know that everything is going to be ok... but I don't know how its going to be ok. Maybe ok is with Him? I guess maybe that was the one disappointment I had when they refused surgery. I was sort of hoping to go through surgery and die on the operating table. I can not imagine a more peaceful way to go... just think about it. Floating off in peace to meet our Father! How awesome would that be??? I get goose bumps just thinking about it... It would definitely be awesome, but maybe it's also just an easy way out for me. Ok... the rapture could come at any time, that would be good too... we would all go together and I wouldn't have to worry about leaving my family behind. :-)

I've noticed some other symptoms this week. My fingertips are swollen and tingly. They kind of burn too. I'm guessing its from the Thalidomide. Might be time to stop it. I'll discuss this with my doctor tomorrow. I've also noticed that I'm very shaky. I don't know if that's because I'm weak or what. And a weird one... my voice is very weak and hoarse. I don't even sound like myself. I don't know if it's because of the meds or maybe just the general weakness of my body. I am very weak. My joints hurt when I walk and I have such a hard time getting my breath. I hold onto the walls when I go down the hall. LOL! I'm thinking its about time for a wheelchair if I want to get out. Bummer. I've missed 3 of Coady's soccer games the past 3 weeks and I HATE that. I didn't want to miss any! I know I couldn't have made it through them though. Life is rough sometimes... I just have to learn to roll with the punches. And trust God with my life. Which I do.

We are also waiting to get an appointment with University of Michigan. We've sent them scans, reports and pathology slides. Ohhh! They just called! I have an appointment set for March 26th at 2:30pm. I've been to Dana Farber but I just didn't feel up to making that long trip at this time. I'll keep you updated as is possible.

We have also sent all my scans and reports to a Dr. Jablons in San Francisco, CA. He has received them and been exchanging emails with my local oncologist so now we are just hopeful for an appointment with him to remove the left lung. I want that tumor out of there! Just thinking of how much better I would feel without that pressure in my chest and breathing easier again....ahhhhhhh. Sounds like heaven to me.

Please keep praying... I can never have too many prayers. I love you all!

Here is a letter that I sent out asking for donations for my team in the Miami County Relay for Life:

Dear Friends,

As most of you know by now I normally send out a donation request letter once a year asking for help to support our team in the American Cancer's Society's Relay for Life. I initially got involved with the team when a very good friend of mine, Valerie, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She is now going on 4 years of "remission". My own husband is also a cancer survivor...diagnosed with Melanoma just weeks after our son (soon to be 17) was born. Cancer was a scary word in this house because it was all over my husbands family. He lost his mother when he was only 12, I think, and several relatives. We have been blessed that we caught his early, as he has been cancer free since his surgery to remove the melanoma in 1986. I am so thankful that I was too young and stupid to realize the seriousness of his cancer then. And now that I am old enough to grasp it, I realize just how very blessed we have been to keep him around. I sure never dreamed that I would be fighting it, but I thank God every day that it's me and not one of my kids or my husband.

Most of you know that I have been involved with the American Cancer Society for about 4 years now. Last year was the first year that it became "extremely personal" for me. I was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma in January of 02... I won't tell my story here... most of you have read it and if you haven't you can go to:

Lets just say that I have had a very rough year of chemo's, and too many surgeries. I was so hoping that this year would be better, but I'm not off to a very good start. We need to get my left lung removed because that tumor is growing fast and is now taking up 80% of my lung, making it difficult to breathe.

Relay is a fun and unique 24-hour walk/run event involving teams of 8-15 members. Each team will keep at least one representative on the track, for a scheduled period of time, throughout the Relay. Relay for Life is coordinated by American Cancer Society community volunteers and supported by local businesses and organizations. The county Relay will take place on May 9th and 10th. I wanted to get an earlier start and send out donation requests earlier, but I've been really struggling the past few weeks so I am late and this just might be the only letter I send out. Our goal is to raise money for continued research, educational programs, advocacy and patient support groups. Please join the fight against cancer by making your check payable to the American Cancer Society and returning it to me. Together we can make a difference!!

Thank you in advance for your support! If you have any questions please email me at cagmom@woh.rr.com or call me at (937) 773-0286.

If would like to send a donation please have it to me by April 30th so I can get it all turned in. Thank you so very much!

If you are not in a situation where you can send a donation, do not worry about it. I just ask that you continue your prayers, as they are the very most important thing to me. Those prayers are keeping me here!

There is no finish line until we find a cure!

hugs and prayers to all,

Sheri Blackshire
1805 Carlyle Dr.
Piqua, OH 45356
(937) 773-0286

3/22/03: Well... let me just tell you, it has been one scarey week! I had such a hard time breathing. It was hard to catch my breath if I even moved positions in my chair. Sleeping in my recliner was no longer an option. If I leaned back at all, I couldn't breathe. For 2 nights I slept sitting on the floor with my face resting on the ottoman. Believe me, you don't get much sleep when you keep waking up because your legs fall asleep or simply because you are trying too hard to breathe!

Denny came home to check on me Thursday during his noon hour and when he seen how bad I was he immediately called my doctor who immediately jumped on his cell phone looking for anyone who would see me asap. He found a doctor about 45 minutes away who agreed to look at my ct scans but didn't offer much hope because he was concerned that others had already turned us down. About an hour after Denny left with my scans I got a phone call from this doctor. He told me he didn't know what the other doctors problems were because it didn't look like a problem to him at all and it looked like it would be relatively easy! You can not imagine what went through my head! I immediately broke down crying... I had realized at this point I didn't think I would make it through the weekend and just kept asking God to help me through. Those prayers went on all night long... "just keep me breathing till I can have that tumor drained Lord... you keep me breathing and I'll keep fighting."

I had hung up the phone and just started bawling with relief... I finally had another chance. Josh had just gotten home from school and had no idea what was going on. I just looked at him, grabbed his hand and told him I was so scared that I was going to die before I knew he was saved. He told me that was a good reason to keep fighting. LOL! Kids! I quickly told him "NO... that's a good reason for you to let me know you are saved!" One day... He's God child and He will take care of it.

Hallejah!! I made it through the night and after 2 hours finally had some make up on and a warm up suit. Yes... I took a lot of breaks in between each thing. I didn't want to mess with my hair so I just threw my scarf on. Having no hair for several months spoiled me...so now if I don't feel like messing with my hair, I throw my scarf on anyway. LOL!

I was admitted to the hospital by about 8:30 and in my room. From then we just waited until it was time for the procedure...the procedure that would hopefully keep me living to fight. I'm not sure what the technical term of it was called, but it's where they stick a needle into your tumor and drain it. I was a little scared because I knew they didn't put you under for it, but I figured if I could make it through chest tubes, this should be a walk in the park.

They took me down at about 11:00 or so and Denny wasn't allowed in the room with me. They have to constantly use a ct machine to check on how things are progressing, and there is just not enough room for one more body, so I understood...but it scared me because he has been with me for every procedure I've had done.

The procedure was not that bad. A little scarey, but they kept me talking, relaxed and giggling at times. At one point I asked the doctor if he had gotten through to the tumor yet. I had felt something and wondered if that was what it was. He said "oh yeah... it's draining quite a bit." It's weird how you can't really feel the pain, yet you can feel things going on. Then I asked them if they minded showing me what they got out of the tumor when they were done...cuz I'm just sort of sick like that. LOL! They laughed at me and told me I fit right in with them then. I was shocked at what came out of that lung! They filled a 2 liter bottle with nothing but bloody fluid and then they had 3 other 2 liter bottles that had about an inch of fluid on the bottom and the rest of the bottle was filled with air. My gosh! No wonder I couldn't breathe! I can't believe that our lungs can even hold that much stuff!! They must be like sponges for sure! I hadn't realized it but my heart rate was way up when I went in too. When they started the procedure it was 130...and that was while sitting still for 2 hours! But as the tumor started to drain I watched it go down. Slowly...but it was going down. I thought I had kept holding my chest because I was breathing so hard, but maybe it was also because my heart was racing and I didn't even realize it. When they finished the procedure it was down to 119. Still high, but better than 130.

At one point during the procedure I did feel a really sharp pain in my shoulder. I told them something was going on cuz it was hurting really bad and the doctor told me to just keep relaxed...keep breathing and it will pass really quick. And it did. It only lasted about 30 seconds maybe, but it was scarey because he was no where near my shoulder...weird. He said it was common though.

My breathing improved as the tumor continued to drain. It was amazing to be laying there on the table and watching my vital signs improve. And I was just so very thankful that God was watching over me and my doctors.

After it was all over, the doctor told me he was going to leave the drainage tube in. He said he was going to let me go home in an hour, but he wants to see me back on Monday. On Monday he will do another chest ct and see if the tumor has drained anymore. If it has... he will drain it and leave the tube in. If it's empty he will take the tube out. Fine with me. I just want to breathe.

I felt so good last night that I just wanted the whole world to hear me talk. I had my voice again! And I wasn't fighting for each and every breath! I called Rena, my sister in law cuz she had heard me at my worst the night before and when she answered I said "HEY! Do I sound like a new woman??!!" LOL! We were both laughing and praising God for taking care of me. I was so incredibly happy to be here.

I guess being stubborn isn't always good for you. My doctor had been trying to talk me into draining that tumor for weeks and I kept delaying. I wanted a second opinion from a sarcoma specialist... and I almost lost my life not listening to him. It taught me a valuable lesson! I will pay much more attention to him from now on. He told me he didn't think I would make it till Monday and that is why he worked so hard to get me in on Friday. God Bless my doctor!

Basically, that's about it. I'm breathing better. Woo Hoo!! I still have a hard time laying back. I tried to sleep in bed last night and I had a hard time breathing when I leaned back. So, I tried laying on my right side. I would only last about 10 minutes before it made my port start hurting... and I couldn't sleep on my left side cuz that is where the drainage tube into my lung is...so I was very restless and about 6:00 am I finally gave up and moved to my chair. I can at least sit in it again. I'm still short of breath, but I can do a lot more before it gets too short than I could before. I got up and fixed the birds breakfast this morning and there is no way I could have done that yesterday. I've gotten up to get my own drink a few times and to walk to the computer...and most of those times I have not gotten too shortwinded. I would have never been able to do that yesterday morning...so I am improving and I just pray that it keeps getting better and better.

I start round 5 of chemo on Sunday night. I go back to Good Sam's to have the ct to check out the drainage situation on Monday. And then on Wednesday we have our appointment with Dr. Baker in Michigan. I feel like I can travel now and I was getting really worried about that. I was so excited to be making the trip because I have made plans to meet with an online friend since we will be spending the night and I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to make the trip or talk to her because I was too ill...and now.... I am soooo looking forward to it! So once again... Thank you all so much for your prayers... God has once again pulled me through and I give Him ALL the glory...but you, my friends, are who he was listening to. I can never thank you enough!!

I was still doing good enough to make it to my appointment at University of Michigan with Dr. Baker. He came recommended on the LMS list as a good sarcoma oncologist, but we were not impressed at all. We decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and hoped he came up with a plan of attack. He told me that they would take my case to the tumor board and call me the next day to let me know what they decided. I never receieved any phone calls on Thursday. Typical. I waited all day today... no phone calls. Finally at 4:00 I decided to call him. He apologized and said that someone should have called me.

I told him I just wanted to know if they had come up with a plan of action for me. He said the only suggestions they came up with were for me to locate a local thoracic surgeon that might do a pleural effusion. I had explained to him on Wednesday that this procedure was out of the question as I had a severe reaction to it the first time and it almost killed me. I guess he wasn't listening... And then the only other suggestion he had was for me to contact Dr. Demetri in Boston to see if I qualified for any trials. Puleeeeze!! I don't have time for trials! I MUST find someone to take care of this left lung tumor before it kills me. I don't have time to play around with this and it just beyond me that they can't see this. I'm so mad right now!!

As it stands right now... we are just waiting to hear back from Dr. Jablons in San Francisco hoping that he will be willing to remove the tumor or the lung...something. Once I get that tumor taken care of then we can mess with the others...We've been informed of another very good surgeon at MD Anderson in Texas that we will contact next. I can't stand all this waiting...

Thanks again for the prayers... I am STILL living on them!! I know I am too... While I'm still short of breath, it's been 5 days since I've had my tumor drained and I'm still able to sleep at night...so either the tumor is not filling back up or its filling back up much more slowly. :) So thank you thank you...keep those prayers coming! Love to you all!!

Here is a picture of my me and my brother. He came to visit me for the weekend. I feel really bad cuz I miss my niece and nephew too, but I am just not up to having little kids around.

Wednesday, April 2nd, I spent the day in the hospital getting a blood transfusion. My hemoglobin was real low...so that was real fun. I didn't get home until close to 7:00 pm.

Thursday, April 3rd, I spent the day in the emergency room. That was a mistake. I had called my doctor and told him I thought it was time for me to get my tumor drained again. He called me back about a half hour later and said he thought he found someone locally to do it, but that I needed to go to the ER and that doctor would come see me there. So... they do a chest x-ray, which I thought was weird since the procedure is guided with a ct scan. Anyway...after about 3 hours the doctor finally comes in and starts telling me he didn't even think I had fluid in my tumors. You know those type of arrogant doctors that think they know it all? Well, he was one of those. He was 90% sure I didn't have fluid, but he wanted me to have a ct scan so he could double check. I explained that why not just go in to start the procedure since its guided by ct scan and if I didn't need it that would be the end of that. He then informs me that he can't do THAT kind of procedure. He's not a radiologist. I said "What CAN you do?" I was just a little bit aggravated by this time. He tells me that he can either put a chest tube in (HAH!!! Yeah right!! Over my dead body!) Or he can do a similiar procedure where he puts a needle in my back and trys to hit the tumor. Its not guided by ct so he didn't know how many times it would take to find the tumor and it was always possible for him to hit the lung and I'd get a chest tube anyway. Let me just tell you... I wanted to SCREAM! He left the room and I told Denny to get me out of here. This is NOT what we came for and there has obviously been a lack of communication somewhere. About an hour later the nurse came in and we explained what was happening and we thought it was best if we went home. She called the doctor and he was fine with it and I called my onc and had him schedule me for the procedure at Good Sams like I wanted in the first place. LOL!

Friday, April 4th, I went to Good Sams and had the tumor drained... the one that the doc from the day before was 90% sure didn't have fluid in it. Well, they drained about 850cc of fluid out of that tumor with no fluid in it. Denny wanted to fax that arragant doctor the report soooo bad. :) We got home from the hospital about 7:00 pm. I'm tired of hospitals now... I hope its a while before I have to go back.

On a good note...I did have oxygen delivered to my house on Thursday evening, so that really helps with my breathing when I need it. I wanted it just to help me sleep, but it really helps when I get out of breath or have a coughing spell and can't catch my breath. It was nice to finally have something good happen.

Today is Monday, April 7th. I had a pretty rough night last night. I coughed uncontrollably starting at about 9:00 pm or so. Denny rubbed my back for about 45 minutes or so until it relaxed me enough that I finally quit. I fell asleep sometime around midnight and woke up at 12:30 coughing hard again. I coughed till about 3 am when Denny called me over to rub my back again. About a half hour later he had it under control and I was able to sleep again. This time I pretty much stayed asleep for the night. But poor Denny... I know my coughing kept him awake and I just feel so bad about that. He had to get up at 5:30 am for work and I slept till almost 8:30 am. It was good to finally get some sleep but I feel terrible about him missing his. I keep telling him he needs to sleep in bed. He's still sleeping in the living room with me since I have to sleep in my chair.

That's about all the news we have. Dr. Jablons in San Francisco still hasn't made up his mind about whether or not he wants to do surgery on me. He is still thinking about it. He has two complicated sarcoma cases this week and he wants to see how they turn out before tackling another. So we still wait... I'll try to update you as I can. Thanks again for the prayers!

April 12th - I've gotta tell you... I am so impressed with the doctors and staff at Good Samaritan. Dr. Tyrell drained my tumor again yesterday. Before this, I was doing horrible. I couldn't even get myself to the bathroom. Denny was using my office chair to wheel me down the hall. What a site we made! LOL! Anyway, the doctor drained off about 800 cc of fluid again. The procedure itself was more scarey at first just because I was having such a difficult time breathing as I laid down. I came real close to having a panic attack. They had to bring me a cold washcloth for my head. But once it started draining, I could feel my breathing get better. Ohhhh what a relief!! And... he left the tube in again. He called my doctor and they decided it was worth the risk. I need to follow up with my local doc and he will put me on a anitbiotic while its in.

I have received an email from Shayne, Dr. Jablons nurse. He has made his decision and is ready for me to fly out. However... I have since learned that the tumors in my right lung have grown. He wants me to fly out and have a new ct scan when I get there, but I'm thinking it would be better to get the ct scan here since according to my latest chest x-ray my tumors have grown. I think that might make a difference on whether or not he will do surgery. I'm just glad I new all of this before going out there. It would have been terrible to go expecting my miracle surgery to only be told..."sorry your tumors are growing in the right lung, I can't do this". At least now, I know in advance and if he still wants to do surgery...that's great, but if not, I'm prepared to hear it now.

Denny is going to email them and let them know what is going on. I just feel its better to know these things upfront. I didn't want to make a wasted trip.

When I was told that my tumors have started growing my doctor told me about another chemo that he wanted me to try. But I have opted out. I just can't do any more chemo. I've been much to sick and it's time to stop. I honestly don't think I would make it through a chemo treatment at this time. I am now, fully relying on God to pull me through.

Thanks again...for all those desparately needed prayers. I love you all!!

April 20th, 2003 - This is Sheri's son, Josh, and unfortunately this is the last update you will be seeing.

Mom passed away today at 5 p.m. Dad had to call an ambulance at around 3 a.m. because Mom wasn't able to breathe very well at all. The night before she was doing really good up until about 5 p.m. Her highschool friend, Lori, had come to visit about a week before. Mom even made a comment about how she wished she had been doing so good when Lori was here. As the evening went on she just kept getting worse and worse. At one time after she coughed she mentioned that her cough felt different, like something may have pulled loose. From that point on, breathing got more and more difficult for her. She didn't want to go back to the hospital though. At 3 a.m. she was running out of oxygen in the tanks so Dad decided to call an ambulance anyway. They got her in a room around 7:30 am and injected her with morphine to ease the pain some.

Dad called us all at around 8:30 a.m. and told us to come to the hospital as soon as we could. While I was getting dressed he called again and told us to hurry. We knew she must have been getting pretty bad. When we got there she didn't look good at all. She was really struggling for air with her oxygen all the way up. We knew she wasn't going to make it and told her how much we loved her. She hugged us and held our hands and had a few last things to tell us. She told us about these letters she had written to my dad, my brother, and I and where I could find them. Then she also told my dad not to kill our cockatiel, Spike. She really loved her birds. She asked Dad what he was going to do with them and he told her that they are THEIR birds and that he won't get rid of them.

After sitting there with Mom for a few, a lung specialist came in. He asked us about a few procedures and when he heard they had all been done, he shook his head. He said we basically had 2 options. He could put in a chest tube, which could give her another week like she was. We didn't want that and neither did Mom. He said the last option was he could give her morphine to sedate her until she dies. He said it'd be pretty quick. We said it was alright, and we asked Mom if it's what she really wanted and she said yes so they went and got the morphine.

At 11:10 a.m. they injected Mom with morphine until she went unconscious. Then we all just sat with her waiting for her to quit breathing. Every hour they'd give her more morphine which would slow her down a bit more. Dad laid there holding Mom the whole time and my Grandma (on Mom's side) stayed too. My grandpa stayed most of the time, but he got sent back to drop my brother and I off and to help us take care of the dogs and the birds. He got back to the hospital at around 4:55 p.m. The morphine had slowed Mom down so much that within 5 minutes she had quit breathing and she was pronounced dead.

Up until Mom took her last breath she had kept fighting as hard as she possibly could. We couldn't believe she had lasted so long in the condition she was in. She amazed us all. We will miss her terribly, but we are also really happy for her. She's now moved on to a better place where she will spend eternity healthier than she had ever been. Someday, we will all be together again.

One last thing I would like to add is that Mom was baptized Thursday, April 17th and I was also saved. I only wish to mention that because me being saved was one of her dying wishes. I really didn't even plan on being there for their prayer service, but I decided to go and sit with them. I'm really glad I did now. It made her so proud to see me saved and I'm very happy to know that she knows I'm going to see her again. I guess that's all I can say for now. If you would like to get in touch with any of us, feel free to email me at jblackshire@gmail.com and I'll be sure to reply or forward your message on to whoever you want to see it. Thank you all very much for being there for Mom. It really meant a lot to her, and the rest of us as well. God bless you all.

Josh

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